She’s on her knees in the darkened room. What everyone else is doing doesn’t much matter. God’s voice is as unique and individual as the hearts of the gathered women. Tears fall hot as she whispers the truth she wishes he didn’t know…forehead pressed against the concrete barrier in front of her. Of course he already sees the hidden places, but there is power in the audible confession meant for his ears only.
“I don’t trust you.”
“I’m afraid that if I do, you will take me out at the knees.”
“You have been too kind to me and you must be looking to even the scales.”
“So many say that they learned the most through suffering…surely my turn is coming.”
“I’m scared I will find myself in that moment and you won’t be enough. What then?”
And for the record, she knows this is nonsense. She’s well aware of the fact that God is in control. It’s clear that she’s powerless to change that fact but it doesn’t stop her heart from pounding anxiety. So she whispers into the darkness…murmurs mingled with tears…heart pulled…twisting and turning…trying to release it all…so exhausted from living with fists tightly clenched around idols that won’t last and aren’t meant to fill the void or provide security. She sees the truth with her heart yet can’t seem to release her grip on what appears real right in front her.
Each of those thoughts a link in a chain that can hold a girl prisoner for a lifetime if she lets them.
No whispers come back…just the release of acknowledging the truth. Secrets grow into strangling monsters. The only way to slay them is to speak them out. No whispers back but his presence all around. A sure knowing that He is here. He is listening and He is good. He’s not angry at her…He longs to comfort her if she’d let him. He’s not lying in wait to ambush her tender heart the moment she releases it…he longs to gently take it in his hands as he nurtures and grows it for his purposes. Purposes that are His alone…beyond her comprehension or limited view…reaching into the past before she was born and stretching ahead of her into eternity. If only she would let go.
Even now – this is the Lord’s declaration – turn to me with all your heart, with fasting, weeping, and mourning.
Tear your hearts, not just your clothes, and return to the Lord your God. For He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, rich in faithful love, and He relents from sending disaster.
Who knows? He may turn and relent and leave a blessing behind him, so you can offer grain and wine to the Lord your God. Joel 2:12-14